farewell

my mother passed away in the back of a buenos aires taxi

her friend thought she was sleeping

my mother loved taxis

on buses she was somber

circumspect like a locksmith

attending to the groove that would unlock a single door

but in taxis she’d come alive

they were a luxury she let herself enjoy

delighting in the traffic

counseling the driver

on joyous purpose

in the back seat she would imagine

what ease of means might be

had she not chosen to be ashes scattered where my father’s were

the hearse would have been followed by a caravan of black and yellow cars

you would have seen old and young men

driving without passengers in mourning for my mother

for a change trucks would not impose their size and cut anyone off

and the lights would turn green as they approached each corner

i think she would have loved to know

that they all came to pay respects

a line as long as a pedestrian’s eyes could see

bus drivers would suddenly stop making fare change

and bow their heads

at the eulogy the priest would raise his hands and slowly say

farewell beloved passenger

may thy scent of vinyl that always brought you joy

accompany you to heaven

farewell

the ring

for maría esther

 

my mother used to tell us

about a ring

that was stolen

it was summer

a public pool

at the end of an endless bus ride

my brother and i would follow her

into a wooden

tunnel she called

locker room

and undress among women’s

stares that made us feel like aliens

but the story said nothing

of long distances

run down bungalows

or the moss

establishing its capital at the bottom of the pool

the story would go on

about the ring

–so pretty and made of gold–

how she left it on the bench

and this one woman

took it and denied taking it

how the police did nothing

how the woman walked

away among the palm trees

slowly

victorious

my mother’s cheeks

glistening with rage

my mother told the story many

many times

as if there was something in it

someone

at last

might hear

and relieve her from retelling it

my mother carried trusting

as a penance

yet innocence

surrounded her

like a ring.

atlas’s wife

my grandmother lived across the convent school

where anyone catholic sent their girls to learn

the docility required to bear one child after the other

that was the place that taught my mother

to be a woman

that was the tattered map her mother offered

to have her find her calling

her joy

the final shape she had to take

to appease the dark

my mother was my father’s muse

recipient of his brooding

atlas’ wife

he kneeled under the world

and she stood before him

the weight he bore became

the heft she carried

my father treaded the waters of his nature

my mother wept exhausted

after saving the world

all by herself

praise

i stood out on the sidewalk outside the mcallen texas airport
-the cars humming as they waited for those who are flying back-
while my body received the warm wind as a forgotten gift

if the wind could taste like anything
it’d taste like honey or a hint of honey
or even a faint leaf of mint at the bottom of a cup

bodies are like dogs that every night sleep outside
and every morning are ecstatic
because they never thought they’d see you again

like the mexican grandparents who blossom
into smiles when their granddaughter comes out
so happy in her white dress
with red roses the size of red roses

for all i know they had only been apart one day
but they receive her as one receives beauty
for the first time

like my body received by the warm breeze
a blessing of dogs’ souls that forget that what they love
will be there the next day

you
the warm breeze
red roses the size of red roses

crows

my father whose penance was a thorough memory and

and a frail heart that broke like a branch falls on the silence of snow

my father had a crow that called him from the depth of its wing

pecking at every word he wrote

 

my father whose education was remembrance

clawed upon the noble cortex of his brain

watched his mother dry the dishes

and learned too young to soothe her silence

with the tissue around his heart

 

memory burned like children’s fever burns

throughout the parents house

memory was a crow’s wing

suffered feather by feather

yet each morning

my father cracked his shell

 

each morning he hatched out of his past

walked to the bathroom

shaved

and went to work

 

with the persistence of the crow

with his mother’s tears dried on his wings

happy faces

for my three sons until they don’t need this anymore

this moment

might seem endless and

sad

and we have

only you and

I to repair it

i want to make you

laugh but

it’s too late

or maybe too soon

let us not draw happy faces

on each other

let us have crying

when we have to

you need to learn about the world

and i’m prepared to be the world

until it finds you

mar del plata

for my father

my father dove with such elegance

that people would notice

i know they did

i’d pay attention to that

as we walked back on the warm sand to our towels

i could not contain my joy

this was my father